Dick and Jane Visit Their Cousins - A Randy Reader
Author's note: It might be helpful for you to know
that the Dick and Jane Randy Readers do not consist of a running
narrative about their lives. Each story is independent of the
others. If it helps further, you may consider them Dick and
Jane stories from alternate dimensions. Dick is, after all,
going to grow up to become an expert in string theory. At
least in one of those dimensions. That might be why, in that
dimension, Jane prefers Spot. But that's another story.
See the big airplane? It's really huge, isn't it? Have you ever been on an airplane, boys and girls?
Well Dick and Jane get to go on one, because they're visiting their cousins way off in New Zealand.
How far away is that? Who knows? I don't. All I know
is that it's far enough they have to get on an airplane to get there.
See the pretty women at the door of the airplane as Dick and Jane get
on the plane? They're called Stewardesses. Or Flight
Attendants. Or Air Hostess. Or Cabin Crew. Or Cabin Attendants.
Goodness, they can't seem to decide on what they want to be called, can
It doesn't matter. All that matters is how well they take care of
the passengers while the airplane is flying through the sky.
See the handsome men lounging around the entrance to the
airplane? Those are the Pilots, and Flight Engineer, and
Navigator. They know what they want to be called. They fly
the plane. Why are they staring at all the women getting on the
plane? I bet they're worried about terrorists.
Fasten your seatbelt, because the plane is about to take off!
Here we are ... five hours later ... up in the sky ... just humming
along. Only twenty-six hours to go before we get there! Are
you as bored as I am? Are you as bored as Dick and Jane are?
See Dick get up to take a walk around the airplane. See him
saunter back towards where some of those stewardesses (or whatever) are
fiddling around in a tiny little kitchen. See him stop and stare
as one of the stewardesses bends over to do something. What is he
staring at? Could it be her panties, which her short skirt is
high enough to show?
It very well could be, and we know Dick would stare, because Dick is a
teenager, whose body is flooded with adolescent hormones, and whose sex
drive is extremely high. Dick is a normal teenage boy.
Did you know that means he only thinks of sex every 78 seconds or
so? So it wouldn't be odd for him to stare at the stewardesses
panties at all, now would it?
Except this stewardess is wearing a thong, instead of panties! So
all Dick could stare at would be her round, naked, firm ass
cheeks! Oh boy!
See the lump suddenly appear in the front of Dick's pants? That's
his erection. Do you know what an erection is, boys and
girls? You don't? Oh goody! We have a chance to learn
something! An erection is when Dick's penis gets long and hard,
so hard it won't bend even a little bit any more. Isn't that
odd? Well, not really. You see, boys and girls, an erection
means the penis is ready to be used for something. Think about
it. You use your arms and legs, right? And they are very
stiff because of the bones inside them, right? Well a penis has
to be soft so you can move it and aim it when you pee with it.
But for sex it needs to be hard, like it had a bone in it. And
when a boy has an erection, it means his penis is ready to be used for
See one of the other stewardesses look at Dick? See her eyes
widen? See her pearly white teeth become visible as she
smiles? That's because she has seen the evidence of Dick's
erection. His erection seems to make her happy for some
reason. Why could that be?
Well, you could ask your mommy why she smiles when she sees your
daddy's erections. She could tell you why those erections make
her happy. But Dick and Jane are travelling alone, and Mom and
Dad aren't here. Mom and Dad are alone, back at home, where the
headboard of their bed is knocking against the wall rapidly. But
we'll talk about that later. Right now we're interested in what's
happening to Dick and Jane.
See the stewardess point to Dick's pants, showing the one with the
thong what happened? This is because the air crew works together,
to ensure the comfort of the passengers. And that erection looks
pretty uncomfortable, all cramped up inside Dick's tight jeans ...
don't you think?
Never fear! See the stewardesses take Dick to the part of the
plane where the air crew can sleep during the flight? There are
little beds there. Isn't that neat? See them take Dick's
belt loose, and pull his pants down? They want him to be
comfortable. See one of them put her mouth on his erection?
What's she doing?
I bet she thinks there's something inside Dick's erection that is
making it stay hard like that, and she thinks maybe she can suck it
out, and make him more comfortable. What do you think, boys and
girls? This is a chance for you to form a hypothesis, like a real
scientist! Isn't this exciting?
Wait! Maybe she was right! Something is coming out of
Dick's erection! It's white and creamy, though. It doesn't
look like it would make anything stiff. And why is she swallowing
it and licking it all up like it tasted good? Maybe she has
something inside of her that needs to get stiff.
Uh oh. This is a good example of what is called Trial and Error,
boys and girls. She thought she could suck out whatever was
making Dick's penis erect like that, but even after all that white
stuff came out, his penis is still stiff! So she tried ... but
there was an error.
It must be the other stewardesses turn to try to cure Dick. See her take off her uniform? Why is she getting naked?
Oh, I see. How could I have forgotten? An erection means
the penis is ready to have sex! So she's going to have sex with
him! See how well stewardesses take care of their passengers?
What's that she's saying as she squats over him and lowers her girly
sex parts down on Dick's erection? What do you think, "Oh damn!
He's hung like a fucking bull!" means? Is she confused? How
could she think Dick is of the bovine family?
See how excited she is? Just like a little girl, she's jumping up
and down with excitement. Except, of course, she's sitting on top
of Dick. But she's still bouncing up and down with excitement.
What's that she's saying? "Oh fuck, he squirts like a fucking
fire hose!" This stewardess is very confused, isn't she?
First she thinks Dick is a male cow, and now she thinks he's a
fireman. Dick isn't old enough to be a fireman. Maybe
there's less oxygen way up high in the sky, and she can't think
Never mind. The stewardesses seem to be taking good care of Dick. But what's been happening to Jane?
See the handsome man with the stripes on his uniform sleeves walking
down the aisle, talking to the passengers, occasionally? He is
one of the pilots. He's called the third officer. Why is
that? Well, we'll find out about that later. Right now
let's just watch him.
What does this have to do with Jane? Be patient! You'll find out.
See us notice that he's only talking to the female passengers?
See us figure out he only talks to girls or women who are not sitting
with a man who looks like he's their husband, or father, or
something? See him smile and exude all sorts of masculine
sexuality? If you're a boy, this makes you want to smash his face
in. But if you're a girl, it might make you want to get to know
Is that why he's only talking to the females? Probably so.
I don't know about you, but I'd much rather talk to someone who wants
to get to know me better, than to someone who wants to smash my face in.
See him get to Jane's seat? See him lean over her and smile and
ask her if she's comfortable? Why is he staring down the front of
Jane's blouse? The only thing he could see there is her
bra. Wait! Someone once told me that bras are
uncomfortable! Maybe that's it. He's looking to see if
she's wearing a bra and might be uncomfortable!
See him invite her to the cockpit?
What's a cockpit?
Let's observe. Maybe we'll find out.
See the Third Officer help Jane walk down the aisle of the plane toward
the front. The plane, being up in the air, bounces around a
little bit. He's making sure she doesn't lose her balance.
He does this by putting his hand on her bottom, and squeezing.
That must help stabilize her while she walks.
See him take her into the very front of the plane? That's where
all the male flight crew are. Remember we talked about them
See the Pilot turn around in his big, comfortable seat, in front of all
those dials and knobs and things? Hear him say "Welcome to the
cockpit, young lady!"?
Hear Jane say "Why do they call it a cockpit, anyway?"
See the men all stand up and unzip their pants? Oh look!
They all have erections too! But there are no stewardesses around
to help them. Oh no! How uncomfortable they must be!
Hear the Co-pilot say "We all have cocks, you see, and this is the room we like to keep them in."
Hear Jane laugh and say, "My brother has a cock. Sometimes it's
just like yours ... all stiff and yummy looking. But he doesn't
have a cockpit to keep it in."
Hear the pilot ask "Well what does he keep it in, pretty lady?"
See Jane blush and look downward. Hear her say "Sometimes ... he keeps it in me."
See all the men grin like idiots? See the Third Officer do a fist pump and hiss, "Yesssssss!"
Now we find out about all those funny titles. See the pilot take
his clothes off first? That's because he's the First
Officer! And he gets to have sex with Jane and spurt his sperm in
her first. See the copilot taking his clothes off too?
That's because he's the Second Officer. He gets to have sex with
Jane and fertilize her second! So now we know why the Third
Officer is so happy, right? He gets to have sex too, and by then
Jane's pussy will be nice and hot and slippery with all that sperm in
Feel everybody sigh and relax as the wheels of the plane touchdown in
New Zealand? It's been a long flight, and everybody is really
tired. The stewardesses are tired, because none of them got a
chance to take a nap. That's because every time one of them went
to the bedroom to take a nap, Dick was there with his horse cock, and
it's pretty hard to sleep when a horse cock is sliding in and out of
your pussy. I'm not a girl, so I don't know that from experience,
but it's my hypothesis.
The pilots are all tired because it turns out Jane loves to play with
what pilots call "The Stick." This airplane didn't have one - it
had what they called a yoke instead - but all the pilots used their
erections to show her how a stick would work if there was one, and she
played like she was flying the whole trip.
In fact, the only people on the plane who aren't tired are Dick and
Jane, who are both rosy-cheeked and happy that the flight was so much
See the people in the terminal waiting for the passengers? I wonder which of them is waiting for Dick and Jane?
I bet it's the group of three girls and three boys, holding the sign that says "DICK AND JANE' on it.
I was right. There they are, hugging their cousins from America.
My goodness, those look like good hugs. The boy cousins must have
flown before. They are holding onto Jane's bottom as they hug
her, just like they're trying to help her walk down the aisle of an
See how the boy cousins are taking Jane to a Land Rover, and the girl
cousins are taking Dick to a regular sedan? I wonder what's going
on about that?
Let's watch, and maybe we'll find out.
See how the Land Rover heads out into the jungle that covers the
mountains? See them drive to a very remote and lonely place in
the jungle? See them setting up a big tent? They're taking
Jane camping! What fun!
Hear them patiently explain that there are gorillas in the forest ...
dangerous gorillas. Hear Jane ask why they are so
dangerous. Hear her cousins explain that gorillas like to have
sex with human teenaged girls. Hear Jane gasp and remind them
that she is a teenaged girl. Hear them all swear oaths to protect
How will they protect her? How could three teenaged boys protect one teenage girl from a big, hairy gorilla?
Hear them explain that the gorilla has a wonderful sense of smell, and
can tell if there is an unfertilized female in the forest. Hear
them offer to fertilize her, so the gorilla won't pay any attention to
her any more. Hear them say that after she gets good and
fertilized, they can go for a nice hike and see the beautiful forest.
Why isn't Jane telling them that she has been pretty much constantly fertilized for the last 24 hours?
I think she's worried that being fertilized in the air may be different
than being fertilized in the forest. After all, they are two
entirely different environments.
See the cousins all strip down and lie on top of Jane, fucking her
lustily and filling her with lots of thick, rich cousin sperm. They are
trying so hard to protect their American cousin from the gorilla.
Wait! I just checked Google! There aren't any gorillas in New Zealand! What's going on here?
I think the boy cousins are playing some kind of prank on Jane. I
wonder what's happening to Dick. Jane is pretty busy right now
being pranked. But she's safe. After all, there isn't any
gorilla. Maybe we should go check on Dick.
See the girl cousins taking Dick off to a big house, with a big back
yard, surrounded by a tall board fence? It's very modern, and is
just like any nice house in America. It even has a pool in the
Hear the girls say they wish to welcome Dick to New Zealand with
traditional native dances? See them take off their clothes and
put on costumes? I wonder why they did all that right in front of
Dick, instead of using a dressing room? Maybe there is no
dressing room. I bet that's how this house is different from an
See the interesting costumes? Golly. All they're made of is
a few feathers. Maybe New Zealand is a hot climate. See
them offer Dick a traditional costume too? It isn't made of
feathers. It's just a loincloth. Gosh. Whatever
that loincloth is made of must be very expensive and rare. They
could only afford a tiny piece. It doesn't even cover his penis
Uh oh. Dick is in trouble. Those feathers aren't covering
up his cousins worth a hoot. Their nice, round breasts, with
perky nipples on them are showing. And so is the private area
between their legs!
Well would you look at that? Those girls might not be teenagers
after all. They don't have any hair on their coochies at all,
boys and girls! But wait! Their breasts are really big.
I'm very confused.
See the girls do their native welcoming dance? Wow. That's
a pretty sexy dance, if you ask me. See how Dick is of the same
opinion? He's getting another one of those erections! And
that little loincloth isn't doing anything to hide it. What do
you think those girls will do if they see it?
That's what they'll do.
They must be in training to be stewardesses.
Dick must think so too, because he's climbing on top of one of his
cousins and doing exactly what he did to those stewardesses! My
goodness, but Dick is a randy young man. And his balls must
produce prodigious amounts of pearly white sperm.
What? You don't know what "prodigious" means?
It just means that there are three girl cousins, and I'm quite sure
he's going to be able to fill up all of their pussies with lots and
lots of spunky sperm.
Maybe we should go check on Jane and see what she's up to.
Well, Jane isn't up to anything, is she boys and girls. In fact,
she's down, on her back. Those silly boy cousins of hers are
still protecting her from the gorilla. See how eager the one on
top of her is to protect her? He's sliding his big old cousin
penis in and out of her pussy as fast as he can. She'll just
laugh and laugh when she finds out this was all a prank, won't she boys
and girls? And she fell for it. In fact, she fell right on
her back, now didn't she?
Well, that cousin is done, at least for a little while. See how
he went deep inside her and stopped? See his balls jumping?
That means he's sperming Jane as we watch. See her other two
cousins? They have erections just like Dick did, don't
they. I think they're going to make this prank last as long as
possible. Maybe even all night. They sure must like to fuck.
Well, I don't know about them, but we've all had a long flight, and
keeping an eye on Dick and Jane has been pretty exhausting. I
think we should get a little sleep.
We'll check on Dick and Jane in the morning.
Good morning boys and girls. Did you all sleep well? I hope so.
Apparently all the cousins stayed up when we went to bed. But they're finally sleeping now.
See Dick, lying on his back. His erection is gone, finally.
See his three girl cousins lying around the room? All their
feathers fell off. And all their pussies are just chock full of
Dick's sperm. I sure hope those girls are on the pill, or they're
all going to have Dick's baby.
And See Jane? She looks just like those girls. Her pussy is
just overflowing with sperm. We know Jane's not on the
pill. Jane is a good girl. She doesn't have sex with
anybody. In fact, the only reason she had sex with the pilots was
because they were teaching her about the cockpit. And the only
reason she had sex with her cousins was because she thought it would
protect her from the gorilla. So Jane might be in big trouble in
about nine months.
Those boy cousins were very naughty! I think they should be punished.
I guess we can go get some breakfast or something, boys and girls. Now we have to wait for them to wake up.
My goodness my tummy is happy. I just love breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day!
Oh look! The boys brought Jane back home from their camping
trip. Those silly boys are still bragging about how they
protected Jane from the gorilla. See them telling their sisters?
And see the sisters telling their brothers that they've properly welcomed Dick to New Zealand with native dances?
Hmmmm. I see something odd, here, boys and girls. Don't you think it's odd that everybody is still naked?
Dick obviously does. See him asking "Why is everybody
naked?" Isn't he looking at Jane funny? It's almost like
he's never seen her naked. But they live together! Surely
they've seen each other naked before.
See the girl cousins standing innocently, with their hands behind their
backs, swaying their hips back and forth? What are they doing?
Oh! How silly they are. They want to keep the joke going!
Hear them complain that nobody ever protected them from the gorilla?
Their brothers must want to keep the joke going too. See how they offer to protect their sisters?
Oh my goodness! They're going to do it!
But that's ... incest!
Or is it protection?
Oh my. I'm confused again.
Now Dick is going to protect Jane! See his brand new
erection? See how Jane whispers that she knows what to do with
that erection? See her play with his stick and "drive the plane?"
Okay, boys and girls, apparently there are social customs in New
Zealand that nobody told us about. We know there are no
gorillas. But all the brothers are humping their sisters now, and
there is every indication they plan on sperming their sisters too!
So this just has to be a social custom. I bet they know other
countries don't approve of this sort of thing. That's what the
gorilla thing is all about. Don't you think so, boys and girls?
Well, mark my words. Those cousins might think all they're doing
is a cultural tradition, but somebody's going to end up pregnant if
they keep this up.
Don't you .... !
Boys and girls! What are you doing?! Jeffrey? You get
off your sister this very instant! This may be New Zealand, but
you are not a New Zealander! And Phillip! You get your
erection out of Miranda immediately! New Zealanders may fuck
their sisters, but you're just a visitor!
All of you stop it right now! Do you hear me? You boys are getting your sisters pregnant!
Oh my goodness. They aren't listening to me.
I need help.
Where is my sister, Coleen?
Oh! There you are. We must do something!
Wait! Why are you naked, Coleen?
Well of course I have an erection. All the boys and girls we
brought with us to watch Dick and Jane are fucking like bunnies!
Any man would have an erection!
Of course I think you're beautiful and sexy. What does that have to do with ...
You want to see it?
Oh my. You were watching the pilot teach Jane how to fly the
plane. And you did watch the stewardess try to suck out whatever
was giving Dick his erection! And you did learn that native dance!
Of course there's a gorilla!
And he's huge!
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