The City Girl Blues
by Lubrican
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Chapter Four
She polished off the baked
salmon and asparagus he'd cooked for her. There was definitely a chef behind that dark beard because the food was wonderful.
She reached for her third hot
roll, which he'd baked fresh just before
leaving for the wedding. The outsides were firm, but they were still
soft
inside, and delicious.
"I'm going to get fat
if you feed me like this," she said, leaning back in her chair.
"You won't get
fat," he said. "The way you'll be working you can eat like that three
times a day and still won't gain an ounce.
Not of fat, anyway. You
might get
heavier, but it will all be muscle."
The next day she knew he was
right about not gaining any weight. By
supper she was so sore she felt like an old woman, shuffling along.
She'd
had to use the salve again before going
to bed the night before, just so she could get to sleep.
Now
her still-raw thighs seemed like mere
discomfort, compared to her arms, abs, and rib muscles.
They'd worked with hay most
of the day.
He had traded beef for hay
to another rancher in the area.
That
rancher had paid the youth group from a church in town to bale the hay.
They'd
used an old baler that spit out
rectangular small bales tied with wire.
Since most of the workers
came from farming or ranching families, he
hadn't had to supervise them.
There were hundreds of the
dusty bales on the top floor of the barn and Bob wanted to rearrange
them so
they'd be pre-positioned when it came time to feed the stock during the
winter.
That meant moving them from
the
side where they'd been originally stacked to surround the opening that
led to
the stable below, as well as stacking them in front of the big door on
the end
of the loft so they could be tumbled out into the truck he'd use to
feed the
cattle, which didn't get to stay in a nice, cozy barn when the cold
winds and
snow blew.
Each bale only weighed
thirty or forty pounds, and her initial thoughts were that this would just be a healthy workout. By the time she'd lugged a hundred of them
across
the hay-strewn floor of the loft and then grunted them up onto the new
stack,
she felt like her arms were going to fall off. It wasn't the kind of endomorphic workout she was used to.
Her back was killing her and
the last thing she felt was the pain
between her legs.
By the time they broke for
lunch and she hobbled to the house, she groaned, "I'm not sure I can do
this."
"You'll be fine,"
he said.
He wasn't even breathing
hard.
"Your body will get used to it.
Pretty soon you'll be able to
do something like that all day and still
feel like wrangling cows."
"No way," she
moaned.
"I can hardly walk. I
feel pain in muscles I didn't even know I
had."
"Tell you what,"
he said. "After lunch I'll fix you up."
"I can't be
fixed," she complained.
"Nonsense. I promise
you'll feel like new when I get done with you."
"How?"
"Never you mind about
that," he said. "You just get something in your belly.
You
need fuel to keep running on."
"I'll never run
again," she moaned. "I wasted money on those shoes."
"City folk,"
snorted Bob. "You're all soft and weak.
But I'm going to change that,
at least in your case.
Now, eat."
Twenty minutes later she
leaned back.
"I'm full," she
said. "I need a nap."
"There are no naps on a
working ranch," said Bob. "What you need is a massage, to loosen up
your muscles and work the lactic acid out of them."
"I don't see any
masseuses around," said Mandy.
"You don't need more than one," said Bob.
"I don't see a masseuse
around," said Mandy, patiently.
"What about me?"
asked Bob, sounding falsely injured.
"I'm not sure I want
the beast's hands on me," said Mandy.
She didn't actually mean
that, which surprised her, but she felt like it
had to be said.
"I am pure of heart,"
said Bob.
"You will come to no harm
in my care."
"No man is pure of
heart," said Mandy, who wondered why she was being so uncooperative.
She
knew a massage would feel
good
right now.
"Nothing will happen
without your express consent, then," he said, not arguing about her
slur
against men. "And it's not like you'll be naked or anything."
"Of course I won't be
naked," she said, stiffly.
"Just a T shirt and
those shorts I loaned you," he said.
"I should be able to get to
everything I need to."
"I don't know,"
she mused.
"I'll be using the
salve," he offered.
She quit being
pernicious.
She knew a massage would be
good for her.
And she was pretty sure
she wouldn't be able to get through the afternoon unless she did
something.
"Okay, but if you cross
the line I'll hurt you," she warned.
"Do you know jiu-jitsu
or some such thing?"
"I know where your
balls are," she growled.
"My balls will not be
used in this massage," he said, grinning.
"They better not
be," she said.
"Go get ready. We
have more work to do."
"You're not Bob Cobb.
You're Simon Legree," she moaned.
"I'll take it easy on
you this afternoon," he said. "The tack in the tack room needs to be
oiled. You can sit down for most of that."
That's how Mandy ended up
lying on her bed, clad only in a T shirt and running shorts, with Uncle
Bob
standing over her.
"Chemistry" is a
term used frequently to describe attraction between the sexes.
It's
a mystical concept in the sense that
science can't predict when it will exist or which people it will exist
between.
Of course men are commonly
believed to have
"chemistry" with any woman.
The old phrase, "If she's ugly,
put a flag over her face and fuck her
for Old Glory" is a crass example of that.
The fact is, that's not true
at all, at least not with most men. Men
have likes and dislikes, just like women, and the one thing everybody
agrees on
is that dislikes prevent or reduce chemistry. Examples of that are men
who like
big-breasted women and others who prefer a woman with very small ones.
Science has hypothesized
that chemistry is based on evolution, wherein a man chooses a woman he
thinks
will be a good mother for his children while he's out hunting mastodons.
Women,
they say, choose a mate with broad
shoulders and muscles that will make his children strong, good mastodon
hunters
when they mature.
As anyone will tell you,
though, it's more complicated than that, especially in a world where
'mastodon'
hunting is a very rare situational need.
The fact is, when you ask
two people what attracted them to each other, they very often can't
tell you. A
woman might say, "He was funny and intelligent," but Netflix is
brimming over with intelligent comedians, available anytime you want a
laugh.
A man might say, "She was a
stone fox," but there are literally millions of those around. Why did
he
choose this particular one?
Beautiful
women end up with and truly love ugly (and sometimes much older) men.
Successful businessmen often have and truly love plain wives.
Then there is the phenomenon
of having had previous partners or lovers.
It's impossible to forget
them and inevitable that, when you are
"in the market" to find a new one, comparisons are made.
The
fact you aren't with your previous
partner or lover (barring their death) means the bond didn't survive
whatever
travail there was in the relationship, but there will always be
memories of
that person that one would call "good." If
the new candidate doesn't match up to the
old one in some intangible ways, then he, or she, doesn't have much of
a
chance.
More importantly, if the new
candidate has some of the same negative
character traits as the old one,
then there's almost no chance of a pairing.
Mandy had been married twice
and almost married a third time. She was no blushing, innocent girl.
She'd been
up and down some bumpy streets and her heart bore the scars of
relationships
that didn't last.
Granted, her breakup with
Matt had been amicable. They were still friends, in fact. Subliminally,
though,
her femininity had taken a hit. Even though a psychologist would call
it bunk,
she couldn't help but think on some level that she wasn't woman enough
to keep
him.
Her short life with Steve had
been
everything she could hope for, other than the fact that he was gone so
much of
the time before he was gone forever. But
he'd made it abundantly clear she was all woman, as far as he was
concerned,
and desirable in the extreme.
Then there was Ryan, and her
insecurities were back.
Her self-image
took another hit. She wasn't even woman enough for him to want to take
his
meds, and he chose five years of almost literally Spartan conditions
rather
than being with her.
She didn't think about all
this consciously, but it was there, bubbling beneath the surface, like
a mild
acid that was slowly corroding her self-confidence.
At least until she came to
the ranch.
She had done amazing things
she'd never have dreamed she could do.
Just standing next to the
horse that first time had made her feel small
and insignificant.
That it let her climb
up on its back had been incredible. That
it went where she wanted it to go was even more strange.
It
would have been fun, had she not been
terrified.
But she did it. The
next time had been better, but she'd
ended up so sore she couldn't walk normally. Now, the horse came to her
and nickered
when she walked into the corral. Her
butt was better and the skin on her thighs was no longer angry and red
looking.
She had lifted heavy bales -
hundreds of them!
And she had restacked
them, climbing up on tiers of other bales, dragging the recalcitrant
dead
weight with her. She had helped rebuild a carburetor, of all things.
She
actually knew what a jet was and what it
was supposed to do.
Her hands had gotten
filthy, but she hadn't cared.
She had
talents and potential she'd never dreamed of before.
A major part of all this was
Bob, of course.
He was patient and easy-going. He
worked at least twice as hard as she did
and didn't complain or groan once. She felt like a ten-year-old next to
him.
At the same time, being
around him
had restored her self-confidence in being a woman.
It
was impossible to be around Bob Cobb and
not feel attractive, even when your hair was a mess, your boots were
filthy,
and your hands covered with muck. His
eyes told her he liked looking at her.
His manner made it clear he
recognized her gender on a regular
basis.
He didn't quite ogle her, but
at
the same time when she felt his eyes on her, she felt like a girl who
bought a
bikini, not realizing how very small it was until she wore it to the
pool.
As for Bob as a man ... that
was complicated.
He was older, old
enough to be her uncle, but she couldn't think of him that way.
First
of all if she thought "Uncle"
in front of his name, she also thought "Ryan." And
he didn't act old.
He was strong as a bull and
energetic in a
way that made her feel even more exhausted than she really was.
She'd
become accustomed to his face pretty
quickly and now the beard didn't look strange.
She'd seen other men with
beards, of course, but in Bob's case he seemed
to have a beard that had a face hidden within it rather than a visage
decorated
with facial hair.
He wasn't a potential
mate.
That she did
think of on a
conscious level. But she liked being around him. He
was a man she could relax around, even if
his eyes were so intrusive sometimes.
Even then he wasn't pushy in
any way.
The impression she got was
that he just liked looking at her, so that's
what he did.
It wasn't any more
complicated than that.
Or hadn't been. Now
that burly, bushy man was hovering over
her and his two callused hands were mauling the flesh on her right arm.
He
squeezed and twisted and stroked in a way
that felt like it should be tearing her skin off, but all it did was
feel
amazing.
How he could be so forceful
and
yet so gentle was a mystery.
But it was a mystery she
didn't have time to think about at present.
Right now all she wanted to
do was lie there and soak up all the relief
he offered.
Mandy had only had one
professional massage in her life. Matt had taken her to a spa one time
and they
both got the works.
It had taken three
hours but they'd been side by side the whole time, able to talk.
The
people working on them had seemed remote,
only pairs of hands that had done nice things. She'd felt refreshed and
happy
when it was finished and then they'd gone to dinner at a fancy
restaurant.
The comparison between that
and what was happening to her now was laughable. Of
course there was no Matt present with her,
chatting away, but even if he had
been there she wouldn't have
been able
to pay any attention to what he was nattering on about.
The
only thing she could think about was the
feel of Bob's hands on her body. She
could feel individual fingers as her skin came alive under his
manipulations.
It was that way when he
switched arms, walking around to the other side of the bed. And it was
that way
when he started on her legs.
When he
worked over her foot she almost cried out at how good it felt.
She
did in fact, as his manipulations caused
dopamine to be produced in her brain, let out little moans of
contentment,
though she wasn't aware she did that.
Even when his hands slid up
inside the legs of her shorts she didn't rouse from her lassitude.
His
fingertips moved to the bottom of her
bubble butt, but that was all.
When he
worked the insides of her thighs, which had so recently been raw and
sore, his
rough hands felt wonderful.
He skipped over her shorts
to work on her back and sides. Now she did groan with conscious thought
as her
complaining muscles got the relief they craved. Particularly her
trapezius and
dorsi muscles needed work, because they'd been strained by all that
lifting and
dragging. Then his hands went to the small of her back and she uttered,
"Oh fuck," before she could consciously decide to say it.
She
didn't know the muscles there were called
erector spinae.
All she knew was that if
he continued that she might have an orgasm.
It was her conscious thought
of "orgasm" that lifted her out of the pool of happiness his hands
were causing.
It was the wrong word, but
she couldn't think of any other word that fit what she felt when his
hands got
there.
"I'm not molesting
you," he said, his voice startling her, "but you need this."
His hands slid under the
waistband of her shorts and suddenly those squeezing, mauling fingers
were
pawing her ass.
Except it didn't feel
like she was being pawed.
If anything she
wanted to tell him to keep doing it. She
blinked, confused by that feeling, but then decided there wasn't
anything
sexual about what he was doing, or how it felt.
It just felt good. Her
butt had
been aching for days, and this
felt fantastic.
She decided to say nothing
and just enjoy it.
Her sense of security
returned when his fingers didn't stray into her butt crack ... or
beyond. When
he pulled his hands out of her shorts she sighed.
"Turn over and take
your shirt off," he said, his voice calm.
"I can't do that,"
she said, her face lying on one side. She felt as limp as a noodle.
"You can drape it over
your breasts," he said. "I need to work your pecs and
shoulders.
I won't look as you get
arranged."
He turned his back and
stood, like a human rock as she lifted her head.
"Do I have to?"
she whined. "Couldn't I just have one, tiny nap? I
feel like I could sleep for a week."
"We have work to do,
Mandy," he said, patiently.
She groaned as she mustered
the strength to roll over onto her back.
She didn't think about
denying him. She didn't think about how odd that
was.
As she sat up and tugged at
her T
shirt, it didn't occur to her that this was out of character for Amanda
Schilling - to make herself bare, alone with a man she wasn't involved
with.
She did feel a little
vulnerable as she darted glances at him, afraid he'd whirl and stare,
and then
as she lay back and tried to cover her thrusting breasts with the
cloth, but
she was as sure in her bones she could trust Bob as she could be of
trusting
any man.
"Okay," she
finally said. "This feels weird."
"It will be over
soon," he said, turning to look down at her.
There it was ... that look
in his eye ... that hungry look.
But he didn't jump on her. Instead
he dipped his fingertips in the soothing balm and leaned over to work
the front
of her thighs.
Within seconds she was back
on that cloud, floating as the pains the work had caused in her faded
away.
He worked up both legs, not
going
quite as high as he had in the back and then skipping over her shorts
to her
stomach and ribs.
"I can't do much for
your abs," he said, casually, as his fingers gently kneaded her flat
belly.
"The salve will help a
little.
The muscles there will
toughen
up, though."
When he came to her ribs she
opened her eyes and stared up at him.
She wasn't sure, but it felt
like no man had ever touched her like
that.
She could actually feel his
fingertips depress the skin between each rib.
His hands moved smoothly,
lubricated by the salve.
When they slid up and pushed
the shirt
upwards, his fingertips got as far as the point where her breast flesh
joined
her torso.
He didn't say anything, but
also didn't repeat that.
Skipping over the shirt, his
hands came to her shoulders and she let out another involuntary moan of
delight.
Somehow it felt like he was
able to move every bone in every joint and stretch every muscle and
ligament he
came to.
When his fingers went inwards
to her upper chest, she felt them change from pressing to squeezing.
His
fingertips made the skin above each
breast bunch up and she could feel each breast rise in response.
She
almost giggled as she remembered a video
she'd seen of a woman who could make each breast jump upwards,
independently of
the other.
The woman had alternated
making her breasts rise and fall and then made them do that in unison.
It
had been both amazing and a little
horrifying, somehow.
She almost complained when
his hands abandoned her chest but was startled when she felt them on
her face.
"You're not sore here,
but the extra serotonin will help when you have to get up and move
around," he said.
He stroked her brow and
temples, working her jaw like a demented dentist examining a patient.
When
his fingers got to the sides of her
throat she realized there was pain there she hadn't been aware of, just
before
it disappeared.
"Okay," he said,
standing up. "No nap, but light duty this afternoon while you
recover."
"One little, short,
insubstantial nap wouldn't hurt anything," she complained.
"You
make me feel so good and then you
turn into the beast again."
He grinned.
"What can I say? It's
the nature of the beast."
Bob had left her alone to
get presentable again.
As she sat up,
she tested this and that muscle. There
were clear memories in her mind of what had hurt before.
What
seemed crazy, somehow, was that she
could still feel pain in those areas, but now it was muted, covered
with some
insulating "thing" that separated her from the pain.
She felt good. As
soon as she sat up she realized she was
actually energized!
She felt ready to
finish the rest of the day.
Bed would be
divine that night, but she had all afternoon to anticipate that joy.
Right
now, she felt like her body had been
asleep, and only now had it awakened.
As she lifted her arms to
drop the T shirt back over her torso she realized that there was only
one part
of her body that felt odd ... still asleep.
Her breasts.
Only her breasts hadn't felt
the rough touch of his hands.
The
breasts themselves didn't hurt.
The
bouncing of that initial trot had abused the muscles that supported
them, but
he'd worked on those.
She thought it was
odd that they felt so ... dull.
"Crap," she
sighed.
"I can't want that. Not
with Bob."
But a little voice somewhere
in her head whispered, "Of course you can, silly."
As intimate as he had just
been with her, his attitude that afternoon was distant.
He
wasn't unfriendly, he just didn't act like
a man who had just touched practically everywhere on her body.
"Except your
breasts," the little voice in her mind whispered.
She frowned, looking down at
the bridle she was oiling.
She'd been
less than enthusiastic about getting her hands covered in slippery oil
that
released dirt and grime from the leather as it was manipulated.
What
she was doing to the leather seemed a
lot like what he'd just done to her.
But she realized within
fifteen minutes that the oil was as good for her dry, cracked hands as
it was
for the tack she was working on.
And she could sit down while
she did it.
And it wasn't on a bouncing,
scary horse!
There wasn't much talking. They worked in companionable silence, making little noises. Mandy could hear the clink of buckles, and the soft shifting of hay under their feet. At one point she could hear Bob's breathing.
She was startled and jumped
as something furry brushed up against her bare elbow.
It was a cat!
"That's Mister
Whiskers," said Bob, breaking the silence. "He doesn't usually take
to strangers, either."
"He's beautiful,"
said Mandy. She wanted to pet the animal, but not with oily hands.
"She, actually,"
said Bob. "She produces all the mousers who keep this farm free of
vermin."
"You named a mamma cat
Mister Whiskers?"
Mandy cocked her
head.
"I thought about Maude,
but that didn't seem appropriate," said Bob, quite seriously. "Sounds
old fashioned, don't you think?"
"How about Lucy?"
said Mandy.
"That's a horse
name," said Bob.
"Well you could have
done better than Mister Whiskers," she said. "I mean at least you
could call her Mrs. Whiskers."
"She's not
married," said Bob.
"She's had
litters by half a dozen different daddies.
I suppose I could have called
her 'Welfare Queen' but that seems a bit
politically incorrect."
He grinned.
"It is," agreed
Mandy. "It would also be mean."
"She doesn't exactly
come when called," said Bob.
"You can rename her if you
want."
"Where are all her
babies?" asked Mandy.
"Almost never see
them.
I found her having kittens
one
day up in the hay loft.
I saw them then,
but she made it quite clear I wasn't welcome.
They grow up feral, assuming
they don't end up as coyote food. She
likes being around me, now and then, but
I don't see her for days at a stretch. I
put food out for her and it disappears, but that about covers our
relationship."
The cat, meanwhile, had been
rubbing up against Mandy, almost pacing as it did so.
She
could hear it purring.
"I wish my hands
weren't oily," she said.
"I don't recommend
trying to pick her up," said Bob.
"I have to say, though,
you're the only other person I've seen her
act that way with.
You must have passed
some kind of examination."
"Great," sighed
Mandy. "A cat thinks I have value."
"I do too," said
Bob, his voice rising into the tenor range.
"Great," said
Mandy again. "A cat, a dog, and a beast like me."
"You've been married
before, right? I seem to remember Ryan saying something like that."
"Yes," said Mandy.
"What about it?"
"Well, obviously some
other man liked you.
And Ryan did,
too.
He brought home half a dozen
girls
over the years, but he never asked one of them to marry him."
"Great," said
Mandy. "A cat, a dog, a beast, and a mentally ill man like me," said
Mandy, feeling pernicious.
"And your former
husband," said Bob. "Who was obviously insane to let you get
away."
"He's dead," said
Mandy.
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"He died in Iraq."
"I'm really sorry,
Mandy.
I didn't mean to be flip
about
him."
"It's okay. I
think about him almost every day, but the
pain has dulled."
"I can't imagine what
that's like," said Bob.
"Actually, I was
married twice," she said, feeling an uncharacteristic desire to bare
the
details to this odd man. "My first marriage was to a guy who was gay
and
thought getting married would cure him."
"Shit, Mandy. No wonder
you're so down."
"Yeah. Ryan was my
third pitch and I struck out."
"That's not fair. You
were happy with your ... um ... soldier ... right?"
"Desperately, but we
were only married a short time before he died.
I got just a taste of what
they say marriage is supposed to be
like.
Apparently the cosmos doesn't
feel
like that's the thing I should have."
"The cosmos doesn't
give a crap about what you should or shouldn't have, Mandy," said Bob,
seriously.
"Fate doesn't
exist.
You make your own path in
this
world and what results comes from the decisions you make."
He frowned.
"That came out
differently than it sounded in my head.
It's not your fault that
you've had such a hard time.
I mean things do happen you
have no control
over and they affect your life, but how you respond to that is what
affects
your future."
"I don't feel like I'm
responding to anything," said Mandy.
"I feel like I'm just trying
to get up each day and make it through
that."
"That is
responding,"
said Bob.
"You could have just
given up, descended into depression. A lot of people do that when
things hit
them like you've been hit.
But you are
getting up every day and moving
forward."
"Thanks to Simon
Legree," said Mandy, not wanting to wallow in self-pity.
"I live to serve,"
said Bob.
"I'm glad I can do some
small part in helping you get through."
"The massage
helped," said Mandy. "You said it would, and it did."
"I am wise beyond my
years," said Bob, sagely. "You should listen to everything I say, and
do what I suggest without question."
"Yeah, I don't think that's
going to happen," said Mandy,
smiling.
"You're a beast and a man.
Doing that could get me in
hot water."
"I suppose so," he
sighed, not even pretending he didn't have salacious thoughts. "The
only
hot water you need to be in right now is in the bathtub."
"You know, I have to
say I've had hundreds of baths, but none of them felt as good as the
ones I've
had here.
And I had a professional
massage one time, but it wasn't nearly as effective as the one you gave
me."
"I'll happily give you
a massage every day," said Bob, who looked like he was trying not to
leer.
"That
wouldn't
be a good idea, either," said Mandy.
"Why ever not? You
just said it felt good."
"There's good ... and
then there's good,"
said Mandy.
"Ahhh," he said.
"I understand completely.
In my
defense, though, I really only did your butt because you needed it."
"I know. And you
behaved yourself. I appreciate that."
"I try to be a man of
honor," he said, sounding meek.
Mandy couldn't possibly think
of this man as meek, though.
Quiet descended on them
again, and over the next three hours they finished oiling all the tack.
After dinner Mandy went to
bed early.
She understood now why she'd
heard all those stories about agrarian people going to bed at sunset.
She'd
never understood how that could work, but it made all manner of sense
to her
now that she'd participated in that life.
Still, as she lay there
reading a book before turning out the light, she
marveled at how, prior to this, she rarely went to bed before midnight.
"Maybe my city girl
days are in the past," she mused to herself.
That led to her thinking
about what she was going to do in the future.
Working with Bob had caused
pain and a little fear and even some terror.
Despite that, though, she felt more alive than she had in a long time.
The
things they did were mundane, and yet she
felt like they were worthwhile.
What
she'd done had produced change, and it had always been change for the
better.
In the midst of her aches and
pains she'd thought about giving up and going back to school.
Now,
though, she felt like staying the whole
month.
It was, after all, only a
month.
Another massage would feel
good.
She knew Bob would give her
one.
But her feelings for Bob, if one could call them that, had undergone a
bit of a
shift since he'd touched her so intimately.
She kept imagining those big
hands mauling her breasts.
Her nipples crinkled and came
erect as that thought
crossed her mind again.
Why did she want
that?
Did
she want that?
Her own hands came up to cup
and squeeze her orbs.
It felt good. But
she knew it would feel better with his
hands on them.
That was crazy. All
that would do would be to lead him on.
And feel wonderful.
She loved intimacy with a
man she liked. She always had. But it wouldn't be fair to Bob to let
him do
that and think there might be more.
There couldn't be more. Those
thoughts had flitted through her mind, too, but they caused discomfort
and she
pushed them away.
He was so big! And
hairy!
Not that he wasn't sweet. He
tried to be gruff, but his concern for others was obvious.
She
remembered the way his female relatives
had danced with him at Christmas. They'd
pressed close, and he'd pressed right back against them.
They
weren't frightened of him.
"I'm not either,"
she said, out loud.
Then, since she'd
spoken, she went on.
"So why does
that idea make me feel so ... nervous?"
She closed the book. She
couldn't concentrate on it.
Turning out the light she
reached to squeeze
her nipples.
He had neglected her
breasts.
Now she had to make up for
that. The girls were unhappy.
That led to someplace else
on her body being unhappy, too.
Again she decided she had to
find a way to order a dildo.
If she didn't, she was going
to go nuts.
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